Roach Battle Strategy

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We spoke about how to go about killing a cockroach. As you know, Planning is the most important task in any project. You first need to make sure you have thought through all alternatives, possibilities, scenarios and have prepared contingency plans to address them.

1. Know your enemy: This is an absolute must. How well you know your enemy directly translates into how efficiently you can execute him. Spend a few months studying all there is to know about cockroaches through books, internet and online discussion forums. Interview people who have encountered cockroaches and gain valuable insights from their experiences.

2. Understand his mind: You must know the mind of your enemy. What will his reaction be to a loud noise? What will he do when cornered? Which way does he run to throw you off-track? Where does he hide during the day? What does he like to eat?

3. Anticipate his moves: After you have studied for a sufficiently long time (time enough to earn you a PhD if it had been some mundane subject like Economics) you should have sharpened your skills to be able to anticipate his moves. You can't stand at the battleground with your laptop and feed in complex permutations and combinations when the cockroach is busy crawling up your bare leg.

4. Be prepared: Always. You never know when you will be attacked. Get to the state of unconscious competence. This comes with years of training and hard work. I wasn't kidding about the 2-hour, thrice a day workout regimen.

5. Revel in the sweet taste of revenge: Make sure to take adequate number of photographs with your dead enemy to show friends and well-wishers. This will give you unprecedented popularity and will boost your macho-image. You could even dedicate a website and give people tips on how to battle this menace.