A night in a homestay

So far, my weekend trip wasn't turning out to be as exciting as I had hoped. Apart from the fact that I had to put up with a senseless female who only opened her mouth to crib (and trust me, her mouth remained open 24*7), the 6 of us were going to be staying at some sidey homestay.

I am not against homestays, but I am strictly against sharing rooms with blubbering bimbos. But since all others were men, we were conveniently paired and bundled off into one room.

I did my best to fall asleep. But one can hardly concentrate on serene thoughts when the melodious notes of a rumbling snore keep assaulting one's senses. I realised that our blubbering bimbo couldn't keep her mouth shut even when she was asleep.

Disgusted, I buried my head under two pillows and tried to think of the Bahamas but to no avail. The racket she was making was enough to be heard in the next country. I got off the bed, snatched my pillows and blanket and left the room in search of greener pastures.

I stumbled through the dark lobby in search of a place to park myself. I remembered that there was a small room in some corner where extra mattresses were piled up. I blundered around in the dark till I found it and then switched on the light. There were five mattresses. I sighed with relief and satisfaction. Without wasting a minute, I quickly laid out one mattress on the floor, yanked a bedsheet off a divan and spread it across my mattress. I switched off the light and snuggled in to get some sleep.

Alas the sound of the snore kept tormenting me even there. I squirmed around in bed trying really hard to stay calm and get some sleep. I sorely missed my ipod. As I lay there awake, other sounds starting penetrating my consciousness - I counted three dogs barking ferociously, the occassional rumbling of thunder and - what was this - another more horrible sound of snoring!

I sat up.

Yes, it was unmistakable. It was a much louder, more obnoxious sound of male snoring. I shrugged and decided there was no way I was going to be able to get any sleep that night. I tossed around in bed and employed my wide-awake mind to other tasks to keep myself busy.

Soon, I was mentally plotting graphs on amplitude vs time for these two snore-ers and comparing their snoring patterns. Then I added another dimension to this graph and observed the snoring patterns again. I prepared a weekly forecast of snoring patterns assuming certain attributes remained constant and looked at my handiwork with satisfaction. By that time, I felt like the resident authority on snores. I was about to move on to other creative thinking areas when I realised that a third snore had joined in the competition.

I laughed and gave up.

Then I mentally wrote three bestsellers on the hazards of staying together in a homestay and concocted a horror story where the snore turns into a monster and eats everyone staying at the homestay. As my monster was gobbling up the loudest of the snore-ers, I invented another much bigger monster. His job was to gobble up the other monster, I decided with relish. I was quite enjoying my story and adding more embellishments when a rooster cock-a-doodle-d. I reached out for my cellphone and looked at the time.

It was 6 AM. Time for the house to awaken.

"Wow, you look so fresh", I snidely remarked to the blubbering bimbo when she stepped out after a shower, "slept well?"

"Yeah, I slept very well, and how about you?"

"Oh, I had a nice sleep too, thanks".

That's what happens when you go out with a bunch of folks you work with. You gotta grin and bear it!