Shh....not so loudly. I don't want my identity to be discovered, and my cover blown. For those who came in late, I am an undercover agent.
I go undercover every night at 10 PM and am engaged in highly covert operations till about 6:30 AM in the morning. A signal from the command base gets transmitted to me every dawn to indicate the temporary ceassation of my undercover activities.
It is a tough job. Sometimes there are bed bugs that bite, sometimes there are mosquitoes. Sometimes you have to leave the warmth of the bed in search of the loo or sometimes in search of water. Sometimes you forget to set the alarm and end up doing more undercover activity than you are supposed to and sometimes you just can't get to sleep. Sometimes the bed is too hard, sometimes the blanket too thick. Sometimes the neighbourhood dog barks no end, sometimes its the neighbour's wife (you can barely make out the difference).
But despite these insurmountable odds, I religiously stick to my routine. Sometimes I am rewarded by dreams of delicious cakes and ice-creams and sometimes by dreams of becoming a millionaire.
Glamorous as it may sound, this job is extremely dangerous. You can end up crushing your hand under yourself and get a fracture, or spraining your neck, or falling off the bed completely. Worse, you may land on a huge cockroach that doesn't take too kindly to intrusions of this nature.
But me, I am the true patriot. I diligently follow my duty day in and day out. Well, more in the 'day out' part than the 'day in' part anyway.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
In search of the perfect purse
In school, we had these huge school bags that could carry books, tiffin boxes, poster colours, GI Joe and the crafts assignment. In college it was the same thing, but packed more compactly in smaller, more stylish bags. Till I discovered that its not safe keeping money, pens, lipsticks, moisturisers, ID card and the Maths question paper in the bag - they invariably get snitched.
Without missing a beat, I devised the perfect solution to my problem - I simply crammed the aforementioned list into the pockets of my jeans. It worked admirably except for one thing - I looked more like a pack mule going over the high Sierras than a dainty little goddess (which, if you are in college, is what every girl wants to look like).
No. That really wouldn't do. I pondered over my predicament for a while and came up with the solution that prehistoric women had conjured up millions of years ago - I had to get myself a little purse.
The purse had to be just the right size. Not too big, you know, but then it should be able to carry all the essentials too. And it had to be a side sling one with a long jewelled strap. Made of soft waterproof leather. Oh, and beige. I hate black. The clasps should be magnetic and embellished with a little touch of the azure shimmer.
I am still looking for the purse. I graduated from college 10 years ago.
Without missing a beat, I devised the perfect solution to my problem - I simply crammed the aforementioned list into the pockets of my jeans. It worked admirably except for one thing - I looked more like a pack mule going over the high Sierras than a dainty little goddess (which, if you are in college, is what every girl wants to look like).
No. That really wouldn't do. I pondered over my predicament for a while and came up with the solution that prehistoric women had conjured up millions of years ago - I had to get myself a little purse.
The purse had to be just the right size. Not too big, you know, but then it should be able to carry all the essentials too. And it had to be a side sling one with a long jewelled strap. Made of soft waterproof leather. Oh, and beige. I hate black. The clasps should be magnetic and embellished with a little touch of the azure shimmer.
I am still looking for the purse. I graduated from college 10 years ago.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Training
Talk about being ridiculous.
There is a travel freeze going on in my company. In other words no travel, no expenditure like parties, lunches, prizes etc are allowed. For that matter, there are no hikes in salary either. Hmph.
It was in such trying times that they decided to hold a training.
Me, I love trainings. You get to go to exotic locales, goof off without working, sleep away in class and get to meet awfully handsome dudes too (if you are lucky). Unfortunately with all this freeze shit, they decided to pull a technological fast one on you. The training was supposed to be online, remote and - hold your breath - at midnight IST.
I was pissed.
I mean, you had to stay in office from 6 PM to midnight just to listen to a bunch of old fuddy-duddies who didn't know what IST meant.
But being the ever optimistic, capricious, rebellious, pain in the butt that I am (thank you!), I took full advantage of this situation and tried to make it as appealing as possible.
For starters, I started waking up at 10 AM.
Not impressed? Well, if you wake up at 6 AM daily, the thought of 4 solid extra hours can get very appealing indeed. Anyway, I started waking up at 10, having a leisurely breakfast, doing my housework and then getting to gym, eating scrumptious gobi-parathas to compensate for the loss of precious calories and ending it all by sauntering into office at 3PM (which was the time I generally used to leg it on most days, sigh, but these were tough times).
No satisfied with a half hour coffee break and and another 2 hours of 'discussions' with fellow colleagues, I used to walk into the training room at 6 sharp to find the best pick of backseats where I could nod off without being noticed. An hour used to go by and then another. Dinner break was usually around 8PM which suited me to a T since that was my dinner time anyway. For that matter, I can eat dinner any time of the day as long as food is ready, but then we are digressing.
After dinner, there had to be a way of relaxing those ol' overworked brain-cells and tired limbs. Of course there is hardly a better way of relaxing those ol' overworked brain-cells and tired limbs than playing pool (and winning) or table tennis (as long as you didn't have to stoop all over the place picking up dropped balls) and carrom. So I, not wanting to go against the health and safety regulations, indulged in a solid hour or 2 of "relaxation".
Then popped right back into the training room looking like innocence itself.
In another couple of hours the training would come to an end and I would go back home, gloriously satisfied with a day well spent.
That was a great week. Perhaps remote trainings are better than in-person ones, eh? ;)
There is a travel freeze going on in my company. In other words no travel, no expenditure like parties, lunches, prizes etc are allowed. For that matter, there are no hikes in salary either. Hmph.
It was in such trying times that they decided to hold a training.
Me, I love trainings. You get to go to exotic locales, goof off without working, sleep away in class and get to meet awfully handsome dudes too (if you are lucky). Unfortunately with all this freeze shit, they decided to pull a technological fast one on you. The training was supposed to be online, remote and - hold your breath - at midnight IST.
I was pissed.
I mean, you had to stay in office from 6 PM to midnight just to listen to a bunch of old fuddy-duddies who didn't know what IST meant.
But being the ever optimistic, capricious, rebellious, pain in the butt that I am (thank you!), I took full advantage of this situation and tried to make it as appealing as possible.
For starters, I started waking up at 10 AM.
Not impressed? Well, if you wake up at 6 AM daily, the thought of 4 solid extra hours can get very appealing indeed. Anyway, I started waking up at 10, having a leisurely breakfast, doing my housework and then getting to gym, eating scrumptious gobi-parathas to compensate for the loss of precious calories and ending it all by sauntering into office at 3PM (which was the time I generally used to leg it on most days, sigh, but these were tough times).
No satisfied with a half hour coffee break and and another 2 hours of 'discussions' with fellow colleagues, I used to walk into the training room at 6 sharp to find the best pick of backseats where I could nod off without being noticed. An hour used to go by and then another. Dinner break was usually around 8PM which suited me to a T since that was my dinner time anyway. For that matter, I can eat dinner any time of the day as long as food is ready, but then we are digressing.
After dinner, there had to be a way of relaxing those ol' overworked brain-cells and tired limbs. Of course there is hardly a better way of relaxing those ol' overworked brain-cells and tired limbs than playing pool (and winning) or table tennis (as long as you didn't have to stoop all over the place picking up dropped balls) and carrom. So I, not wanting to go against the health and safety regulations, indulged in a solid hour or 2 of "relaxation".
Then popped right back into the training room looking like innocence itself.
In another couple of hours the training would come to an end and I would go back home, gloriously satisfied with a day well spent.
That was a great week. Perhaps remote trainings are better than in-person ones, eh? ;)
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Silver Slippers
Am I blessed or am I blessed! If you are still confused then - well, I am blessed. I am really in no mood to sit around explaining simple English to every nincompoop that cares to read this blog. I have better things to do. Like finishing this one to begin with.
So where was I? Ah, yes. Busy being blessed.
So here I was, well, like I said, blessed. Not only I had 26 pairs of shoes, my collection just got richer by something I had been looking for all my life. A pair of gorgeous silver slippers.
I had always been a Cinderella fan since childhood and dreamt of owning one of those glass slippers but as I grew up (vertically and, erm, horizontally), it began to slowly dawn on me that it would be extremely precarious balancing my considerable proportions delicately on a 5-inch glass heel.
So where was I? Ah, yes. Busy being blessed.
So here I was, well, like I said, blessed. Not only I had 26 pairs of shoes, my collection just got richer by something I had been looking for all my life. A pair of gorgeous silver slippers.
I had always been a Cinderella fan since childhood and dreamt of owning one of those glass slippers but as I grew up (vertically and, erm, horizontally), it began to slowly dawn on me that it would be extremely precarious balancing my considerable proportions delicately on a 5-inch glass heel.
So I did what anyone in my position would have done - I gave up on the glass slippers with the high heels and settled for something a tad less jazzy - like flat soled shimmering silver slippers. For the last 5 years I have been hunting in every shop in every city I travel to in the hope of realising my dreams but it is very difficult to please a perfectionist. Nevertheless, the optimism in me never diminished.
My best pal had gone abroad on business and she called me long distance one day. "Guess what I got for you!" she exclaimed excitedly.
"Diamonds?"
"Too expensive"
"Clothes?"
"Your size? Are you kidding?"
"Yawn, add tomatoes and potatoes to this list too"
"Wait, don't tell me its a drop dead gorgeous hunk?!"
"Wake up, its midnight here, not there"
"Well then I give up. Surprise me someday."
She did. She got back the following weekend and presented me with a daring pair of seductively red sandals and a dazzling pair of my dream silver slippers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
