Him

He walked into my life like a breath of fresh air. I began to see the whole world in a new light. Everything was bright, cheerful and vibrant. The beautiful rose blooms, the cold dew drops, I felt them all. So perfect. So pure. Do others also feel this way? I wondered. This world is such a wonderful place. I skipped, hopped and jumped in happiness. Hey, can they all see this difference in me? I looked around in alarm and then lowered my eyelids shyly. It must be pretty obvious. I blushed. A passerby looked at me knowingly and I blushed even more deeply. Yes, they must all know. Sigh, such a wonderful feeling, all senses complete. 

Thank you doctor, for giving me these prescription eyeglasses.

How women think

I walk into the snazzy showroom and look around. The shiny red convertible catches my eye instantly. The sales lady approaches me with a smile bright enough to cause temporary blindness in lesser mortals.

"Madam has a very discerning taste, this is our latest model, launched this month. Fully automatic, great mileage, 1.2 lt engine, comes in 7 great colours....."

"I'll take it".

She blinks. Then looks around to make sure she is not dreaming.

"Er..madam?"

"I said I'll take it. You want me to fill in any paperwork?"

The woman can hardly believe this is happening. She offers me some water and tea and scoots off in a rush. "I'll be back in a minute madam".

I take a long sip of water and look impatiently at my watch. A few minutes later she walks up to me again with three people in tow. One is the floor manager, one the sales manager and one the showroom incharge. They all are male of course. They together try to explain there are several other great cars and try to understand my requirements and do things the 'proper way'.

I politely wave them off and point a finger to the convertible. "That one. Same colour. When's the delivery?"

And just like that I was the owner of a brand new car.

Oh, but I don't know how to drive yet.

Motivation

Most of the times, going to the gym requires external motivation. Namely hot guys in singlets. And the ice-cream parlour next door. No wonder my attendance for the month of March was excellent. He used to come every single day and I couldn't afford to miss the show. Alas he is gone. And I have put on 3 kilos.

Well, time for more shopping.

Reality Check

It's amazing how hard people work to avoid working. Here's a typical conversation in my team:

A: I've got an idea....let's fix this process!
B: Why? Is it broken?
Reality: No. Because we suck.

No wonder people don't like Reality Checks!

When you encounter stinky feet...

...fret not, there's hope yet. Simply follow these tips:
1. Leave. Doesn't matter if you are in a train moving at 130 kmph.
2. Be polite. "Let's all go wash our feet, it will be so much fun!"
3. Be creative. "I bet washing feet helps in weight loss"
4. Be bold. Spray the entire contents of the room freshener and then say "aaahh..."
5. Be rude. Look pointedly at the offending person and tell him that his feet stink.

One of these is bound to solve the problem. Of course you may not win any popularity contests after this, but at least you will be in a nice-smelling environment!

The Programmer

Once upon a time there was a computer programmer.

This is the end of story as well because we all know computer programmers don't have lives.

Go work now.