....that I didn't have to go to office on Mondays. Or Tuesdays. Well, or for that matter Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays either.
Monday, May 19, 2008
The Atom Bomb Bhajji
I love junk food. Considering I'm on a diet (all the time), trying to lose weight, this junk food business is kinda not too good for me. But me, I like to live life king size. So I make a deal with myself - I will diet over the weekdays and binge on the weekends.
One of the reasons I look forward to a Friday is the thought of gorging on chilli-bhajjis - and I know just the place that makes real atom bombs. These 'Atom Bomb Bhajjis' as I fondly call them are nothing short of the nuclear variety. For one, they are huge enough to be mistaken for surface-to-surface missiles. And next, they are spicy and hot as hell (trust me, I would know. Being 'devil' and all).
My upper limit on these is 4. The minute I try to eat more, I spend the rest of the day (and night) in the loo. Come to think of it, that sort of works for my diet plan. Eat all you want and then poo it all. :-)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Something Fishy
I absolutely adore fish. No, not to look at and gawk at cooing all over the place, but to tuck into with a fork and a knife.And to think I used to be a vegetarian!
Ah, well, there is still hope for humanity.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Désolée!
Je ne parle pas français!
Unfortunately, this excuse isn't good enough considering I sat through about 10 lectures of the basic beginner's module and my teacher expects me to be able to speak, write and read the basics rather easily. Little did I realise that we would have tests when I joined these classes 'just for fun'. Damn!
As you may have guessed, I have a test coming up on the 20th. I wouldn't have been overly excited about it but for the fact that I missed the last 4 classes, and as luck would have it, those were the most important classes of this series.
French is not difficult really....as long as you get a hang of it. In other words, its got nothing to do with logic, so those of you commonly known as morons can easily get a high score on the nuances of this foreign language.
Alas me, I am not so lucky. I cannot, for the life of me fathom the grammar.
For one, every goddamned thing in french is either male or female...yeah, including the TV, the room, the cockroach, the treasure, the pen.....right down to George Bush's underwear.
Then you have the innumerable articles - the definite ones, the indefinite ones, the partitive ones, the demonstrative ones and the non demonstrative ones, the list is endless.
Even if you are able to get past the downpour of the terminology, you will invariably be mired in the tenses - the past, the present, the future, the future of the past, the present of the future and god knows what else.
Still amused? Try the verbs. Or rather the conjugations. Each verb has to be conjugated in 8 persons and has thousands of variations in each different tense. Oh, and I haven't started talking about the exceptions or the exception to those exceptions.
And to top it all off, every other word is either spelled the same, pronounced the same or means the same as some other word. At least the written text is comprehensible, but oral? Sigh, you write the word, you eat up the second half of it and pronounce the first half so as to sound like a totally different word altogether!!
Talking of pronounciations, the oi, en, in, au, on sound like someone's suffering from acute constipation.
Unfortunately, this excuse isn't good enough considering I sat through about 10 lectures of the basic beginner's module and my teacher expects me to be able to speak, write and read the basics rather easily. Little did I realise that we would have tests when I joined these classes 'just for fun'. Damn!
As you may have guessed, I have a test coming up on the 20th. I wouldn't have been overly excited about it but for the fact that I missed the last 4 classes, and as luck would have it, those were the most important classes of this series.
French is not difficult really....as long as you get a hang of it. In other words, its got nothing to do with logic, so those of you commonly known as morons can easily get a high score on the nuances of this foreign language.
Alas me, I am not so lucky. I cannot, for the life of me fathom the grammar.
For one, every goddamned thing in french is either male or female...yeah, including the TV, the room, the cockroach, the treasure, the pen.....right down to George Bush's underwear.
Then you have the innumerable articles - the definite ones, the indefinite ones, the partitive ones, the demonstrative ones and the non demonstrative ones, the list is endless.
Even if you are able to get past the downpour of the terminology, you will invariably be mired in the tenses - the past, the present, the future, the future of the past, the present of the future and god knows what else.
Still amused? Try the verbs. Or rather the conjugations. Each verb has to be conjugated in 8 persons and has thousands of variations in each different tense. Oh, and I haven't started talking about the exceptions or the exception to those exceptions.
And to top it all off, every other word is either spelled the same, pronounced the same or means the same as some other word. At least the written text is comprehensible, but oral? Sigh, you write the word, you eat up the second half of it and pronounce the first half so as to sound like a totally different word altogether!!
Talking of pronounciations, the oi, en, in, au, on sound like someone's suffering from acute constipation.
Despite all these obstacles, I have vowed to study hard for the exam and clear it with flying colours and turn my Je ne parle pas français into Je parle bon français :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Mosquitoes!!!
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I just couldn't believe my eyes. One minute I was coolly working on my laptop and the next instant I was jumping all over the place trying to swat the twenty million mosquitoes that had suddenly popped up from nowhere.
This was crisis. There was no time to go about writing emails. This called for some kick-ass stuff.
I called up my mom.
"HALP!!!" I screamed into the phone, "I don't know what to do!!"
"Go buy a mosquito repellant - a spray, a coil, the liquid - anything. And stop being such a baby!"
I did better than that. I bought all three. It worked.
It drove me right out of the house. Well, sigh, at least there are no mosquitoes here.
I just couldn't believe my eyes. One minute I was coolly working on my laptop and the next instant I was jumping all over the place trying to swat the twenty million mosquitoes that had suddenly popped up from nowhere.
This was crisis. There was no time to go about writing emails. This called for some kick-ass stuff.
I called up my mom.
"HALP!!!" I screamed into the phone, "I don't know what to do!!"
"Go buy a mosquito repellant - a spray, a coil, the liquid - anything. And stop being such a baby!"
I did better than that. I bought all three. It worked.
It drove me right out of the house. Well, sigh, at least there are no mosquitoes here.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The undercover agent
Shh....not so loudly. I don't want my identity to be discovered, and my cover blown. For those who came in late, I am an undercover agent.
I go undercover every night at 10 PM and am engaged in highly covert operations till about 6:30 AM in the morning. A signal from the command base gets transmitted to me every dawn to indicate the temporary ceassation of my undercover activities.
It is a tough job. Sometimes there are bed bugs that bite, sometimes there are mosquitoes. Sometimes you have to leave the warmth of the bed in search of the loo or sometimes in search of water. Sometimes you forget to set the alarm and end up doing more undercover activity than you are supposed to and sometimes you just can't get to sleep. Sometimes the bed is too hard, sometimes the blanket too thick. Sometimes the neighbourhood dog barks no end, sometimes its the neighbour's wife (you can barely make out the difference).
But despite these insurmountable odds, I religiously stick to my routine. Sometimes I am rewarded by dreams of delicious cakes and ice-creams and sometimes by dreams of becoming a millionaire.
Glamorous as it may sound, this job is extremely dangerous. You can end up crushing your hand under yourself and get a fracture, or spraining your neck, or falling off the bed completely. Worse, you may land on a huge cockroach that doesn't take too kindly to intrusions of this nature.
But me, I am the true patriot. I diligently follow my duty day in and day out. Well, more in the 'day out' part than the 'day in' part anyway.
I go undercover every night at 10 PM and am engaged in highly covert operations till about 6:30 AM in the morning. A signal from the command base gets transmitted to me every dawn to indicate the temporary ceassation of my undercover activities.
It is a tough job. Sometimes there are bed bugs that bite, sometimes there are mosquitoes. Sometimes you have to leave the warmth of the bed in search of the loo or sometimes in search of water. Sometimes you forget to set the alarm and end up doing more undercover activity than you are supposed to and sometimes you just can't get to sleep. Sometimes the bed is too hard, sometimes the blanket too thick. Sometimes the neighbourhood dog barks no end, sometimes its the neighbour's wife (you can barely make out the difference).
But despite these insurmountable odds, I religiously stick to my routine. Sometimes I am rewarded by dreams of delicious cakes and ice-creams and sometimes by dreams of becoming a millionaire.
Glamorous as it may sound, this job is extremely dangerous. You can end up crushing your hand under yourself and get a fracture, or spraining your neck, or falling off the bed completely. Worse, you may land on a huge cockroach that doesn't take too kindly to intrusions of this nature.
But me, I am the true patriot. I diligently follow my duty day in and day out. Well, more in the 'day out' part than the 'day in' part anyway.
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